Making fun of Christian scientists (not Scientists)

Halbert's Cubicle: An Ethical Dilemma

I got to this guys blog in a roundabout way, from a Slate piece claiming Gygax was a hack, to a rebuttal by Shamus, then a link by shamus to another rebuttal on Halbert's blog. A couple of posts down and I see this little bomb dropped.

I really don't get people who won't work with stem cells. It seems so arbitrary. Why is a bunch of cells more sacrosanct than, say, Germans in WWII? It was ok to kill them because they were killing Jews and taking over countries. But it's not ok to research POTENTIAL humans because of some ambiguous morality scheme dictated by old men in the Vatican. Wrong.

Of course, I've been antagonizing this guy in the comments, mostly because I haven't had a good blogfight in a while. But he and I are probably quite similar. He's a gamer, has a Christian background and hates mustard.*






*Disclaimer: I actually have no idea if he hates mustard.

Great Photo Blog

A Test Of Will: Midtown Mess

This guy takes great pictures all over the city. I like his one or two sentence commentary, because it's usually about the process of composing shots. Reminds me of Mr. Savage.

I picked this link because in the background you can see the building where I work. But the Space Invader photos are great too.

Vermont towns vote to arrest Bush and Cheney | U.S. | Reuters

Vermont towns vote to arrest Bush and Cheney U.S. Reuters

It's symbolic, but at least they have the right idea.

I'm not sure if everything that the Bush Administartion has done was wrong but I don't get how they seem to get a free pass, while we spent years debating blowjobs in the late 90s.

Tricking a country into war is surely worse than ejaculation is it not?

Photographic evidence that hippies exist in Providence

It was only a matter of time before Google's push to document every facet of our world on the web reached a personal level of contact. Every street and intersection of Providence was recently photographed and compiled on Google's street view. Mi hermano was web savvy enough to recognize his vehicle on the side of the road.

My brother's VW Bus.

They haven't shot most of Brooklyn and my apartment isn't in the database. But here's where I work. If you pan the view around you can see that my building is right across the street from Radio City.

I love this kind of thing. Can't wait till they add more cities and locations.

Is this peter dinklage?

I can't embed this so a link will suffice.

It sure fucking looks like a young Dink. I can't find anything verifying or denying that claim. I leave it for you to decide.

PS. The video is good if you've got 6 minutes to spare.

A long silence

And I still don't have anything blogworthy to say.

Let me just impart that I am slowly becoming acclimated to my life. I will still strive to do things of which I will be proud, but I will not be depressed or despondent if they don't work out.

We'll see how long this lasts...

Kindle the fire

I know I'm late to the blogparty, but this stuff gets on my nerves. I like the Kindle, amazon's new book reader. I think it's a step in the right direction. And by the right direction, I mean the kind of world where everyone is connected to the Intehweb via bionic implant, there's no money, and we're just a worp away from skiing on Centauri Prime for the weekend.

But people just can't get behind this little device. It's being smeared all over the place as a worthless replacement for everyone's favorite technology from 1455, the fucking book. I know the device isn't perfect, the DRM is too draconian and the price isn't exactly right ($400 for the kindle plus $10/book) but now it seems to be the fashionable thing to pile hate on Jeff Bezos, Amazon, Jews and anyone trying to make an electronic reading device.

This one guy even implies that the kindle will create a fascist world as depicted in Orwell's 1984. And the stupid thing is, over 200 commenters seem to AGREE WITH HIM. Here is my hastily written response comment.

I fail to see how citing literary sources alongside pretty standard contract language is supposed to argue anything. I think if you looked at every T.O.S. you’ve ever agreed to without reading, you’d be surprised as to how much “control” you had just signed away. The language is there to protect the company, not to harm the customers.

Should the Kindle be DRM free? Probably, but then no one will get paid for all of the R&D and risk-taking they are now making. I think the high price of ebooks and DRM are here for the early adoption phase. Both will fade with time, a la Itunes.

Should Amazon collect general usage information like every tech company (including Apple, Microsoft, you cell phone, your tivo)? Yes. Of course they should. No amount of doomsaying and conspiracy theorizing will make this research turn our society into Orwell’s 1984. How can so many intellectuals be afraid of market research? Are surveys on the streets of NY an invasion of privacy? Yes. Does that mean every member of Greenpeace is actually a fascist? Yes, but not because they are gathering information.

I don’t think the Kindle will replace books, nor is that its purpose. I think Amazon is working towards a viable alternative to lugging that backbreaking Complete Works of Shakespeare your grandmother bought you and you’ve never been able to get around to reading around on a crowded mass transit system. And that’s something even crotchety old anti-progress pseudo-intellectual bloggers can get behind.

Professional updates

Even though you've already my last post where I quit the stand up biz, I still have some good news to report.

I've been writing for the Escapist in earnest. I have one article going up in a couple of weeks and I am tentatively assigned another due in January. I'm also trying to expand my journalistic endeavors by querying different magazines but so far no takers. If you know of any publications that need articles about night elves and dragons, let me know.

I'm in the running to land a gig writing for The Lord of the Rings Online. Last year, I heard that an old high school chum worked for Turbine and I emailed him out of the blue to say, hey, I want to be you. He told me to submit a quest design set in Tolkien's world, which I did. He was pleasantly surprised by it, I don't think he expected much from a high school acquaintance he hadn't spoken to in ten years. Turbine ended up hiring internally, but here it is a year later, the game is a moderate success, and they need more quest designers. I've got my fingers crossed.

My short play, Goodbye New York, is going to be performed in a few weeks with a bunch of other short works. The ironic thing is that the play is about quitting the entertainment industry. Sound familiar? Anyway, I think it's a funny show and the production company seems like it's run by cool people. I'll be going to the opening and the party afterwards on Thursday, December 6th.

Here follows the details:

Tickets are now on sale for Fn Productions' first production entitled, 'Stage THIS! an evening of Fn fabulous ten-minute plays'. The show runs Thursdays through Saturdays at 8pm with Saturday matinees at 3pm at the 78th Street Theatre Lab (78th St & Broadway).

Tickets are $18.00 and there are only 12 performances! So, if you are interested, please visit www.fnproductions.org to get your tickets today!

We hope to see you in December!

Jack Thompson is out again

Seriously, this guy is just blog fodder at this point.

Jack Thompson, the game-hatin' attorney from Florida, is up to his old antics again. He has filed a suit against BestBuy, the ESRB and anyone else he can think of for allegedly selling M rated video games to minors. Gamepolitics and Law of the Game are running the stories.

The funny thing is, Mr. Jack Thompson Esquire is just internet savvy enough to find these blogs AND ACTUALLY COMMENT IN THEM. I'm sorry, but if you want to be taken seriously as a lawyer, would you engage in trolling the comments on blogs written about your pending cases? Neither would I.

Check them out for yourself but here are some quotes from jack thompson, dickface-at-law.

"Pretty simple stuff, really, if your brain has not been fried by games."

"It's a shame you all don't know what you're talking about."

"It's called democracy, gamer nerds. Deal with it. And grow up."

"Sorry to embarrass you, but the Kaplan Foundation funds NIMF. NIMF is a grantee of the Foundation not a grantor. Are you on drugs?"

"Secondly, I am an activist against the sale of violent, mature-rated games to anyone under 17. You didn’t know that? I think you need a brain scan." [emphasis mine, i love how he baits gamers and then says shit like this next one]

"Correction, please:

I am not a “game-hatin’ attorney.”

As I repeatedly tell audiences, video games are reflective of a neutral technology. All technology is neutral. You can electrify or incinerate a city with nuclear fission. It depends what you do with technology.

Virtual reality is one of the most powerful teaching modalities ever devised. It can teach for good or for ill. Not sure why GP can’t grasp that."

If that were the case then why does he constantly refer to gamers as stupid nerds engaging in a masturbatory activity of which a 30 year old should be ashamed?

The Pride of the Red Sox

I can't think of a more fitting way to celebrate winning the ALCS after trailing 3-1. Ok, maybe using the trophy as some kind of torture dildo ala Se7en on a very willing Tina Cervasio. Maybe that'd be better than dousing the American League trophy with Bud Light while wearing goggles and chomping on cigar in the center of Fenway Park. Maybe, but probably not.

I love this guy and I love this team.

Oh and...

These stupid cats make me laugh everytime.

A man with too many mistresses

I've been playing LOTRO this week. (That's Lord of the Rings Online for you uncouth bastards.)

It was suggested that I get more of a working knowledge of the game, as it's a slight possibility that I could work for the company. (more on that later) LOTRO is definitely fun, it steals some of the best things from WOW. And with patch 2.3, it seems WOW is stealing some UI elements from LOTRO, like the minimap tracking trainers, merchants, etc.

But the question is, what do I do with 2 MMOs? They are huge timesinks already. Will it be possible to juggle two of them and a wife, a full time job and a failing writing career? Will I go insane?

Perhaps I already am...

To the woman...

An open letter to the woman on the L train whose breasts were smashed against my back this morning--

I'm sorry that I had to push my way onto your car. I'm sorry that the only means of conveyance to Manhattan from Williamsburg has become a crowded mess of livestock, braying and mooing to get on board the oh so scant few trains which deign to take us to our meaningless careers. I'm sorry about all that.

But at least we got to share a special moment. Remember when I looked behind me to be certain that yes indeed, that soft insistent pressure on my shoulder blade was actually your right breast. And remember after I confirmed that fact, I looked into your green eyes as if to say, "Huh, isn't New York crazy?" in order to disarm the tension such close proximity can evoke? And remember the look of utter disdain and hatred you gave me in return?

I do. I'll remember it forever.

Also, your tits. I won't forget them.

You had a great rack.

A guy on my basketball team did this to his finger

CHECK IT

How I lost the weight

This pic is from a Weight Watchers recipe card circa 1974. I'm not sure which is worse. That people actually ate fish balls or that it was presented in such a professional manner.

Candyboots has a tour of more delectable treats here. Click through them, it's worth a read. And the shudders.

Weight loss contest revisited

Just wanted to give everyone an update to the Great Loss of Body Mass of 2007.

I lost.

But I won. Get it?

Rain Delay and I decided that the scale measuring our percentage of body fat was a load of mung-flavored bunk. This was proven after Mr. Delay downed a small trough filled with beer and then weighed LESS than before he drank said libations. I think it read that he was at 15% body fat instead of the 22-21% he was hovering at at the time.

The two of us went with plan B, which was just a straight ten percent loss of weight. Of course, at the time of last weigh-in, Rain Delay was well under that goal while I was still a few pounds short. Or heavy. Whatever. The final counting:

7.12.07	Greg	Rain Delay
Weight in lbs.	195.4	225
% of Body Fat	21.5%	26.5%

10.4.07	Greg	Rain Delay
Weight in lbs.	177	201.6
% of Body Fat (Bullshit)	17.5	21.5
10% lost goal	175.86	202.5
Pounds lost	18.4	23.4
Percent lost	9.2	10.4

*These numbers are from memory and may be a bit off. I may also be high.

I lost. And I lost a shitload of weight. So I guess I kind of won too. I'm thinner now then I have been since high school. That's a crazy idea to wrap my brain around. Pants are falling off me and I love it. We've accomplished more in 4 months than (incoming hyperbole!) most men do in their lifetimes.

Just to throw the point out there, I was actually up to 203 lbs just this February. In 8 months then, I have lost 26 lbs or 13.3% of my weight. But I'm not bitter. I am nothing if not a good loser. See what I did there?

I bought Mr. Delay his Wii and I'm glad for it.

The problem with health care in this country...

I just went to the dentist and I am fucking pissed. She installed 5 fillings. After it was all over, I went to the front desk and was asked to wait while they have to calculate my co-pay. This did not bode well. I waited for a while, getting more and more annoyed that I'm missing time from work. Then the bitch told me that I owed $232.00. Because my insurance doesn't cover "white" fillings, only metal fillings. This is AFTER they already did it. So I'm forced to pay. Then I complained to the actual dentist and she gave me the standard line that "how was she supposed to know what your insurance covers" and "it's your responsibility to find out how much a procedure is going to cost." Totally ignored the fact that was hornswaggled and she knew it.

Moral of the story: get an estimate from your doctor like they are a fucking mechanic.

The debate can go on and on about how to resolve our health care crisis, and I don't know what the solution is. But I think the fundamental problem with the current system is that there is no accountability. The doctors and dentists screw the insurance company. The insurance company screws the customer. The customer screws their dog. It's all circular. Don't you think it's weird that you aren't the one paying for services rendered to you? Isn't it strange to think that your doctor and you often work in cahoots to wring more money out of the insurance company?

I was told a story recently where a doctor routinely charges exorbitant amounts for a visit, knowing full well that the insurance company will only pay the average price/visit. He doesn't do this to screw the customer, because he won't force the customer to pay the balance. The sole reason for charging high is so said average price/visit goes up and the doctor can make more money off the insurance company. Our system is that fucked up.

In order for a true capitalist checks and balances to work, there needs to be no middle man. Or at least, the middle man needs to be divested from your employment. Very few people have the financial freedom to quit their job and get a new one based solely on how the medical benefits perform. If we shopped for medical insurance like we did for car insurance, there would be accountability. If there's accountability, there might just be some change.

And I'd also like a pony.


And some cool ranch Doritos.

Not sure why I wanted to do this but I spent about a month trying to get all my toons on Detheroc on the "decades." I have chars at 70, 60 50 and so on. Just a little minigame with myself, but I thought I'd post it as further evidence of my dorkosity.

Is it just me?

I don't know if it's because I'm getting older or what, but my neighborhood has seen an influx of extremely hot girls in the last few months. I know school just started and NYUers like Williamsburg as an alternative to Manhattan but, jesus christ on the Forman, it's getting out of hand. I sat on my stoop last night for a few minutes and witnessed at least 347 women with short shorts and cleavage for days. We're talking about a cascade of hotness rivaling a Bryant Park catwalk. More hot than that actually because these girls were real and not stick-figure marionettes.

It's enough to make me divorce my wife and run down the street with pants around my god damn ankles.

Well, maybe just the latter.

FYI

I think I may be hanging up the microphone for a while.

Thus far in my professional life, I've often felt that I have too many aspirations. Just in the sphere of writing, I have put equal energy into being a comic, a playwright, an author, a journalist and a screenwriter. No one succeeds at that many professions. Shit, most people can't make it as one of them.

In order to be a successful comic, you have to get on stage. I've met guys who get up every night of the week. They make it their mission to be in front of an audience and craft their jokes over several hundred nights of experience. I don't have the ability to spend that much time. At my best, most productive stage, I was getting up once a week. And that was a just few big shows interspersed with open mics. I'd love to say it was because I have other obligations. I have a wife, I play in a basketball league, I have a weekly gaming group. But I know that, honestly, if I wanted to perform every night, I could have. The truth is that I don't possess the necessary drive. That's a hard thing to admit, but for my sanity I have to pull back somewhere and stand up has had too much of an impact on my psyche.

Getting up in front of people and making them to laugh will always be one of my joys. It's a great feeling and I'm glad that I experienced it as much as I did. I know that I will always have the ability to stand up, grab the mic, and say some funny stuff. That's a good skill to have. And who knows, I may pick it up again in a month or a year. If there is anything I'm consistent with, it is my inconsistency.

For now though, I plan to concentrate on what was my first passion, writing stories. Arguably, it's what I'm the best at. It's what I'm drawn to. When I was a kid and the grownups asked me what I wanted to do, I always answered "I want to be a writer." It's still true. I want to write the next LOTR or at least take up Robert Jordan's mantle.

There is also the possibility of attending school. Part of me would like to become a teacher and get that house in the country that has been looking so attractive the past few years. And maybe get Mephistopheles to pop out a few shorties. That biological clock is ticking honey. Let's get on the ball.

Thank you to everyone who has supported me in the past and come to my shows. I know it wasn't easy and I appreciate every morsel of support extended to me. You are a big reason why doing stand up was so fun and I will miss seeing you laugh from the stage.

The microphone is on the hook.